Author: Education, not punishment, is solution for bullying

Program offers advice at schools
By Jennifer Micale, pressconnects.com, Aug. 11, 2009

"The bullies never remember, but the outcasts never forget," author Jodee Blanco writes in her memoir, "Please Stop Laughing at Me."

Blanco, who lives in the Chicago area, was visiting Greater Binghamton earlier this week as part of her consulting business. She's visited central New York before, giving a presentation in October 2007 at Lansing Middle School.

Schools have various ways to address the age-old problem of peer harassment. Earlier this school year, Vestal High School student groups launched "No Name-Calling Week." In 2003, the state trained school bus drivers to spot and respond to bullying as part of an initiative called "Not On Our Buses." Many schools have character education programs to instill compassion and other values.

But the problem persists. Recently, a Binghamton couple filed a notice of claim against the city school district on behalf of their daughter, who was allegedly beaten and sexually assaulted while attending sixth grade; the district and police are investigating. In 2003, a 10-year-old Syracuse boy brought an unloaded revolver to school to scare students who were bullying him.

While "cyber-bullying" - using the Internet to torment victims - has received media attention in recent years, the practice of tormenting the outsider hasn't changed, only the mechanism, Blanco said. Despite appearances, bullying isn't about cruelty; rather, it's a "bonding ritual," Blanco said.

"The bully and the victim are motivated by a desperate need to fit in run amuck," she said.

Blanco has brought an anti-bullying program called "It's NOT Just Joking Around!" to schools around the country. The day-long program involves students in the morning, teachers in the afternoon and parents in the evening.

She's not an academic, however; a victim of severe bullying from the fifth through 12th grades, she has become an advocate for the underdog, publishing two books on the topic. Within 48 hours of publication, her memoir was on the New York Times best-seller list, showing how important the issue is to people.

Students need to learn that bullying isn't joking around; it can damage the victims for life, Blanco said. It doesn't only consist of overt cruelty, either.

"It's all the nice things you never do," Blanco explained, noting that social exclusion is also a form of bullying.

Childhood bullying can scar victims well into adulthood, affecting their family, marital and work lives, Blanco said. As an adult, Blanco was herself diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of the bullying she faced, she said.

According to Blanco, there are two major obstacles to eliminating bullying: adults who cling to the belief that "kids will be kids," and a disciplinary system that punishes children rather than teaching them empathy and compassion, Blanco said.

Instead, Blanco believes in "compassionate discipline," which entails teaching empathy. Rather than detention, for example, students could be required to document random acts of kindness they've performed, help the homeless or volunteer at a hospital.

"The bottom line: If we want our kids to be more compassionate, we can't punish them," she said. Instead, take measures to teach them "the joys and rewards (of being) kind."

jmicale@gannett.com

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